My Tips For Dieting Under Stress

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.

Breakfast
1 Grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast, dry
3 oz. skin milk

Lunch
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Afternoon Snack
Rest of Oreos in package
1 pint Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge
Nuts, cherries, whipped cream

Dinner
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
Large sausage, mushroom, and cheese pizza
3 Milky Way or Skinkers candy bars (or both!)

Late Evening Snack
Entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from freezer

Rules For This Diet
If you eat something and nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you eat less than they do.
Food used for medical purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, toast, or pie.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, you look thinner.
Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel, such as Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, red hots, and Tootsie Rolls.
Cookies Pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Exaples: Peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich, ice cream on a scoop making a sunday, icing on you finger making a cake.
Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples: Spinach and green Skittles, mushroom and white chocolate. Note: Chocolate is a universal color and can be substituted for any food color.
This diet is in no way designed to benefit your health.